pants on fire!

liar liar ... pants on fire.
a lie is a lie is a lie is a lie.

if i had a nickle for everytime i've been caught in a lie, i could buy myself a nice bottle of wine. yipes. i remember hiding bowls under my bed for the ice cream i "secretly" ate ... only to see the disgusted look on my parents face and taunting laughs some childhood friends gave when they exposed the ugly truth.

most lies are generated as an excuse ... to justify doing something you know is wrong, but feel compelled to do so inspite of everything. something you are supposedly suppose to grow out of. right?

well, apparently not me. at this day in age, all the so-called self improvements that i've made feel nullified because i lied. lies hurt. and i truly didnt mean to hurt a close friend. i wanted satisfaction at any cost. but that price tag is just too high ...

all in all, ive been lying to myself. justifying way too many things for the way that i operate. for the most part, things are fine. but when u get to down to the core, this way isnt at all right and inappropriate for me.

i found my new year's resolution: to be honest - with myself. that way i can be truly earnest to others. whole-hearted in all my actions. i want this resolution to stick ... forever.

... i pray for forgiveness and peace.