Swift kick in the youknowwhat

so, i've come to realize that being laid off is about a 1/2 step up from being fired. you were the expendable one; the one where the company could do without. although i think i'd characterize my being laid off from this position along the lines of being broken up with where you wanted to break it off 1st. damn, those work fantasies of going 'office space' on the fax machine will never come true now.

all jokes aside, so what now?

i am so fortunate to have such supportive family and friends be right there by my side. not just financially, but just offering words of support, advice, a laugh, shoulder to cry on... it's a very scary/confusing/liberating time. it's one of those things where you were stuck in this gianormous rut and this is the swift kick in the ass to really get your life together. it's like being shocked back to life.

the scary part of this process is that i am finding myself so easily vulnerable- in situations where i was confident before, there have been a few instances where i didn't even know what to do with myself. even in social situations, i almost feel i've regressed because of this hit to my ego. interesting isn't it?

so life, as i know it, consists of: networking, applying for jobs, following up on leads, finding different ways to gain skills/expand my resume (e.g. volunteer/part-time work), cleaning, training (I still have the Solvang Century on 3/13 & LA marathon on 3/21). and what of relationships? definitely on the backburner until i can get a handle on things, including myself. till then, i am pretty content on being 3rd/5th/7th/9th/11th wheel or running the perfect guy ;)

perspective. it's so loaded now ...