Save our souls... lost! amongst the sea of life.
writers often use ocean or water motifs in their work to describe life, most likely to show how unstable and unpredictable it is. the ebb and flow of the ocean tide resembles the cyclic pattern of life. writers to portray their protagonist as capitan of a boat in which they must endure the challenges the sea presents. but does our hero ever find the land that he is looking for? or does he continue on ... doomed to sail the earth forever in search of the unattainable ...? lucky for our character, his life depends on his creator. it is the creator who develops and shapes through series of tests. moreover, the creator determines the fate of our beloved protagonist.
yesterday i found myself catching up with a friend who is literally in the same boat: the SS-frustrating job with little pay.
as i stuggle for financial independence, the pressure from my parents to suceed in this way is extremely high. let us also include the failing economy that ultimately determines the direction of my livelihood - if i can afford to eat out, drive to basketball, have a few drinks at the end of the week, buy myself something nice. it has been such a stressful task to reallocate wants and desires for only the necessities. with a mixture of anxiety and apprehension i ask myself: am i suppose to have everything figured out? how? when? and where did my passion for life go? after 8 years in L.A., have i earned the right to call myself a full-fledged adult?very early this morning, i discovered that i had lost some sort of faith in the world around me ... more disturbingly, i lost faith in myself ... my abilities ... my worth. i felt lost amongst a sea of dreamers.
when i was little, i would love to get lost ... because i always found something new from it. it was I who discovered something - and it was exhilirating and special. but why am i so scared to get lost now? for the past month, i had been toying with so many theories to explain this period in my life ... to somehow throw me into the mist of something new - but nothing wanted to come out. perphaps ive become disillusioned that dreams can come true and as much as i say i have to move on from past dreams of becoming a Physical Therapist - i am still heartbroken from that fact.
so where does my ship take me now? i shall call this the period of discovery. time to set sail to conquer the 7 seas. it's time to get lost again ... in hopes of finding my passion once more.
where there is passion, there is happiness ... and in the end, love.
