down with love!

i don't know why i keep subjecting myself to it. it's almost masocistic. now begins the painful morning process of all the love i possed for him. why him? it's either there or it isn't. i don't question it. i'm heartbroken that it cannot continue on in the same way. the truth of our relationship saddens me.

i'm scared. i feel like i've landed and i don't know where i am. what will happen 3 months from now? will the end result be closer together or further away? i don't understand selfishness. saying goodbye just seems so paradoxal in this situation. i feel that i've gained maturity, but now lost so much emotionally.

i feel a great loss.

what will fulfill me next?