call me a sentimentalist .... and i say this every year, but i love fall. it brings back the excitement of the 1st day of school / monday night football / the weather turning a bit cooler / sweater sales / backpacks filled with pens and notebooks / and most fondly: volleyball. :)
it rained last friday/saturday here in LA. saturday poured like cats and dogs out. seeing falling rain is romance in physical form. it's cold and comforting, drenching and bittersweet, sad and calming all at the same time. it makes you want to be cozy with hot chocolate, soft sweats and someone. on such rare southern californian occassions, i love to play "4 seasons of loneliness" not b/c im lonely (for the most part) but it just fits - like hot tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. hahaha.
i would say my last post was quite sentimental, just because this time of year was quite different from where i am now. i like it now. i dont think i would be myself if i had stayed back there. in anyrate, time to spring foward admist fall (when you're suppose to fall back).
my most recent woes have been feeling very disconnected with the world, rather, my world. last week, myspace was officially filtered out of work-internet usage ... and sadly, gchat AND facebook fell victim to it today. in my craziness that i call school and work = life, i rarely have time to just chat anymore with close friends or continue my networking with old/newer friends on myspace. i was content as using it as my passive aggressive medium for keeping in touch since i never had time outside of work to do keep up with ALL of them. but now with running around for school and a computer virus at home ... i feel so .... cut off.
in my speech class, one student couldnt decided on her topic to make our first speech about, so she made a survey to help her choose between 2 topics. 1 of them was about internet communication. it sparked a small debate in class where my professor stated that she preferred to see the person b/c u miss out on so much. prior to that comment, i was completely for all for the gchat/aim/myspace/facebook/texting/emailing/cell phone calls .... why? because my family - this includes my biological family as well as 'the ohana' (the girls + a several priveleged few) - are so far away. and as of this year, it seems as though everyone just keeps going further away one-by-one. :( it really does make me sad and thankful at the same time. sad, for those who arent here or get to spend time doing random things like laundry or miso salmon/spaghetti nights with. but thankful for those who are still here. :)
as i begin my official 7th year in Los Angeles, California, i have yet to figure it out completely. "you know, that's the funny thing about life ... how it just jumps up and surprises you." - steve martin in 'father of the bride.' yes, the air quality/parking/traffic/hollywood-type snobby egocentric people really get on my nerves. however, i think ive made a fairly descent home for myself with a great network. i must remind myself though, that life is in a constant state of change where it's almost damn near impossible for things to ever stay the same. as i see myself for the next few months, that it's time to branch out. for example, going back to smc - i come into contact with new classmates or starting team-in-training for that century bike ride = new people. amist my crazy schedule, i somehow have to keep my eye on the prize.
(however, i think my norcal friends would love to hear that in the event i dont make it into PT school again, i'd seriously consider a move up north to get my bearings again.)
BUT that's not gonna happen!!! (sorry kids, i miss and love u much :P)
27 September 2007
14 September 2007
All Good Things
this just so happens to be the same title for 2 different artists' songs for the same topic: a lost love.
the first, Nelly Furtado - her song is meloncholy and very reflective with an extremely catchy beat (i think i chalk that up to the acoustic guitar strumming in the background). the song is deep, with lyrics such as, "flames to dust, dust to wind / why do all good things come to an end?" so many layers ... this probably why i love lyrics so much. they're so exquistely worded.
the second is Mandy Moore. as an artist/actress, she's extremely loveable with such an inviting personality. her song provides me this sort of comfort about a certain heart break that continues to fester. her song describes her frustration about being too forgiving toward her ex-love and continues to always thing of him in a good light ... she's stuck on thinking only good things about him. i just came across this song this week, so my final conclusions are yet to come. but it feels great to have a song describe what you've been feeling about it.
my awesome roomie told me the other day, "you know, you don't have to forgive him." i know i dont, but i'd rather forgive ... then i can forget. hah. in any rate, another in sampling mandy moore's album, another song helped me realize that i've been so stuck on this whole situation because i felt so much in such a short period of time that all amounted to .... nothing. i've wanted to be angry, bitter, hateful - but i knew better. i thought it would all pass after a certain amount of time. so i tucked it all away. gosh, it's been such a journey to understand that situation. i've never been content with the idea that there wasn't an explanation as to why things didnt work out. so i am giving it the attention it deserves ... the nothing that it is and the nothing that he is.
as for now, that's such a validating idea! why didnt i think of that before?
and as for these songs ... it's really easy to look back and focus on the good things b/c no one really wants to thing badly of another (at least for me). in any rate, i like where i am now. i recently heard that the most successful people never look back ... especially on mistakes made - they shift forward, only to achieve. so here i go, looking toward the future only :)
the first, Nelly Furtado - her song is meloncholy and very reflective with an extremely catchy beat (i think i chalk that up to the acoustic guitar strumming in the background). the song is deep, with lyrics such as, "flames to dust, dust to wind / why do all good things come to an end?" so many layers ... this probably why i love lyrics so much. they're so exquistely worded.
the second is Mandy Moore. as an artist/actress, she's extremely loveable with such an inviting personality. her song provides me this sort of comfort about a certain heart break that continues to fester. her song describes her frustration about being too forgiving toward her ex-love and continues to always thing of him in a good light ... she's stuck on thinking only good things about him. i just came across this song this week, so my final conclusions are yet to come. but it feels great to have a song describe what you've been feeling about it.
my awesome roomie told me the other day, "you know, you don't have to forgive him." i know i dont, but i'd rather forgive ... then i can forget. hah. in any rate, another in sampling mandy moore's album, another song helped me realize that i've been so stuck on this whole situation because i felt so much in such a short period of time that all amounted to .... nothing. i've wanted to be angry, bitter, hateful - but i knew better. i thought it would all pass after a certain amount of time. so i tucked it all away. gosh, it's been such a journey to understand that situation. i've never been content with the idea that there wasn't an explanation as to why things didnt work out. so i am giving it the attention it deserves ... the nothing that it is and the nothing that he is.
as for now, that's such a validating idea! why didnt i think of that before?
and as for these songs ... it's really easy to look back and focus on the good things b/c no one really wants to thing badly of another (at least for me). in any rate, i like where i am now. i recently heard that the most successful people never look back ... especially on mistakes made - they shift forward, only to achieve. so here i go, looking toward the future only :)
Back to Basics
Top of the mornin' to ya!
Yes, I've been rather busy this past month. It's sad to realize that waking up past 630am is now a luxury on the weekdays. I've started taking classes again and still working a majority of my hours at work - so it doesn't leave me much time for a lot of things. I'm taking public speaking and a human physiology class. If you know me personally, you must be questioning as to why I'm taking public speaking ... yes, im friendly and approachable ... but when it comes to speaking in front of a group of people all focusing their attention on you, it's SCARY! hopefully i can over come that.
In any rate, human physiology ... sounds dry right? well, that's what i studied at ucla for 4 years. it's good to dust off that rust and to think scientifically again. the only thing is ... i can't decide if i like my professor or not. i believe it's mainly her demenor ... i'm not sure if it's arrogance or if im tired of hearing her b.s. stories of what she's accomplished. but i'll give her this: she KNOWS her $%^&! i like the way that she's been approaching all-to-much-covered-topics that remain the basis of our biological knowledge.
i guess the best way to describe this intrigue is to say that i have always loved complex things ... the more difficult something was, the more i wanted to learn and understand. however, characteristically, i would only graze over the basic concepts. to my detriment, this "habit" of mine plagued my college career. it hit me the other day: no, i dont truly know what i thought i did. (then again, i feel like i've run into that thought at least 3 times this past year alone. hah.) i think i finally understand how important a good foundation is ... like in basketball, when all hell breaks loose and ur having a really crappy game, i go back to what i know: defense/rebounding (or even volleyball: passing passing passing!) ... and then work from there. going back to the basics is key. i hope this new revelation inspires me to kick ass and really get my $%^& down so i'll one day be great in P.T. school.
Yes, I've been rather busy this past month. It's sad to realize that waking up past 630am is now a luxury on the weekdays. I've started taking classes again and still working a majority of my hours at work - so it doesn't leave me much time for a lot of things. I'm taking public speaking and a human physiology class. If you know me personally, you must be questioning as to why I'm taking public speaking ... yes, im friendly and approachable ... but when it comes to speaking in front of a group of people all focusing their attention on you, it's SCARY! hopefully i can over come that.
In any rate, human physiology ... sounds dry right? well, that's what i studied at ucla for 4 years. it's good to dust off that rust and to think scientifically again. the only thing is ... i can't decide if i like my professor or not. i believe it's mainly her demenor ... i'm not sure if it's arrogance or if im tired of hearing her b.s. stories of what she's accomplished. but i'll give her this: she KNOWS her $%^&! i like the way that she's been approaching all-to-much-covered-topics that remain the basis of our biological knowledge.
i guess the best way to describe this intrigue is to say that i have always loved complex things ... the more difficult something was, the more i wanted to learn and understand. however, characteristically, i would only graze over the basic concepts. to my detriment, this "habit" of mine plagued my college career. it hit me the other day: no, i dont truly know what i thought i did. (then again, i feel like i've run into that thought at least 3 times this past year alone. hah.) i think i finally understand how important a good foundation is ... like in basketball, when all hell breaks loose and ur having a really crappy game, i go back to what i know: defense/rebounding (or even volleyball: passing passing passing!) ... and then work from there. going back to the basics is key. i hope this new revelation inspires me to kick ass and really get my $%^& down so i'll one day be great in P.T. school.
17 August 2007
"the way i see it #222"
fearlessness is not the absence of fear. it's the mastery of fear. it's about getting up one more time than we fall down.
-Arianna Huffington
author of On Becoming Fearless ... in Love, Work, and Life
-Arianna Huffington
author of On Becoming Fearless ... in Love, Work, and Life
13 August 2007
I hate Goodbyes ...
i witnessed one of the saddest things in my entire lifetime a few nights ago: a dear friend of mine's father passed away of multiple myeloma. i watched as close family members surrounded their beloved father had to slowly let go as his life tappered off. the hardest part was facing the reality of it all ... even as he was clearly faded, i still held on, hoping for some miracle to happen. but in the back of my mind, i knew the inevitable must occur ... it was his time.
one of life's greatest lessons is to appreciate and love everyone and thing in your life NOW. it's true, "you don't know what you've got until it's gone." why did it take this news to call my parents just out-of-the-blue? why does my friend's mom realize that more impromptu family gatherings happened while my friend's dad was fighting cancer than before when it was just holidays? maybe b/c we get so caught up in life that we forget to stop and realize the world around us. there's no hard and fast rule about when or how, but i believe the universe or God send you signs .... and i quote ferris buller, "life happens fast, if you don't stop and take a look around once in awhile, you could miss it."
i took the next past few days to offer support to the family. watching them plan a funeral is something i didn't plan on thinking about for at least 20-30 years from now. alas, i'm seeing preparations are much like a wedding: venue, minister, music, flowers, keeping family members occupied/satisfied, reception (sans the wake, black attire, casket, mourtuary, and recently deceased). it's so hard to think of a family loosing it's prime members. if it were me, i'd be a mess.
in any rate, i started wondering ... what would people remember about me? well not just specifically me ... but i ask you: how would you like to leave your mark in this world? i pretty much guarantee someone will say something about my cheezy smile. i hope my friends and family know how much they mean to me ... but also i hope i leave this world with as much grace, gentleness, and love as my friend's dad did.
soundtrack of this post was brought to you by:
one of life's greatest lessons is to appreciate and love everyone and thing in your life NOW. it's true, "you don't know what you've got until it's gone." why did it take this news to call my parents just out-of-the-blue? why does my friend's mom realize that more impromptu family gatherings happened while my friend's dad was fighting cancer than before when it was just holidays? maybe b/c we get so caught up in life that we forget to stop and realize the world around us. there's no hard and fast rule about when or how, but i believe the universe or God send you signs .... and i quote ferris buller, "life happens fast, if you don't stop and take a look around once in awhile, you could miss it."
i took the next past few days to offer support to the family. watching them plan a funeral is something i didn't plan on thinking about for at least 20-30 years from now. alas, i'm seeing preparations are much like a wedding: venue, minister, music, flowers, keeping family members occupied/satisfied, reception (sans the wake, black attire, casket, mourtuary, and recently deceased). it's so hard to think of a family loosing it's prime members. if it were me, i'd be a mess.
in any rate, i started wondering ... what would people remember about me? well not just specifically me ... but i ask you: how would you like to leave your mark in this world? i pretty much guarantee someone will say something about my cheezy smile. i hope my friends and family know how much they mean to me ... but also i hope i leave this world with as much grace, gentleness, and love as my friend's dad did.
soundtrack of this post was brought to you by:
- "dreaming with a broken heart" - john mayer
- "the power of goodbye" - madonna
- "i'll be missing you" - p diddy feat. faith evans
- "what a wonderful world" - isreal kamakawiwo'e
01 August 2007
dreams
in light of such vivid dreams in the past few days, needless to day i've been on an emotional and apparently subconscious roller-coaster in terms of my future career and the future of my heart.
dreams are visions of events that we'd most likely want to happen. i think they are visions of our subconscious thoughts surfacing and interacting with our conscious and those 2 trying to all have it make sense. im sure as most of you have noticed that your dreams make you extremely more confused than provide any sense of clarity.
dreams for our future are the ones we hold near to us ... this differs from a fantasy (e.g. fancy cars, expensive things, big houses, gorgeous significant other). our biggest dream for ourself is the one that is suppose to yield us the most happiness ... as if turning our dream into reality translates into fulfilling our purpose in life. (wow that was a lofty thought). as we mature and grow older, we realize these dreams dont always come true, in fact, it's most likely entirely different from what you imagined for yourself. i believe those who do make their dreams come true has most likely told reality to go F--- itself at one point or another... esp when it seemed as though life had turned its back on them ... resulting in a huge influx of determination and allowing them to surmount this seemingly trivial spat. i imagine those life-winners not even glancing back at those who said they couldnt.
yeah, that'll be me one day. just u watch: dreams do come true.
dreams are visions of events that we'd most likely want to happen. i think they are visions of our subconscious thoughts surfacing and interacting with our conscious and those 2 trying to all have it make sense. im sure as most of you have noticed that your dreams make you extremely more confused than provide any sense of clarity.
dreams for our future are the ones we hold near to us ... this differs from a fantasy (e.g. fancy cars, expensive things, big houses, gorgeous significant other). our biggest dream for ourself is the one that is suppose to yield us the most happiness ... as if turning our dream into reality translates into fulfilling our purpose in life. (wow that was a lofty thought). as we mature and grow older, we realize these dreams dont always come true, in fact, it's most likely entirely different from what you imagined for yourself. i believe those who do make their dreams come true has most likely told reality to go F--- itself at one point or another... esp when it seemed as though life had turned its back on them ... resulting in a huge influx of determination and allowing them to surmount this seemingly trivial spat. i imagine those life-winners not even glancing back at those who said they couldnt.
yeah, that'll be me one day. just u watch: dreams do come true.
life and basketball
i first picked up a basketball at the age of 6 b/c my oldest brother started in the 7th grade. i remember the very day i signed up to play CYO basketball in the 3rd grade: it was a friday. that night, my family and i did our usual dinner outting in chinatown ... i remember strolling through the finanical district as my parents trailed behind. i felt as mighty as michael jordan. i told myself i could jump as high as any skyscrapper, that nothing could stop me. that was the beginning ...
my 5th grade coach deemed me having "charisma" (right, try wrapping your head around that meaning at 10). coach alan was my emotional mentor from 7th to 9th grades, where i learned how to meticulously goal set, achieve, and about composure. high school ball is where it got hugely intense: demanding perfection day-in, day-out ... 6 days a week for 5 months for 4 years. where each game felt more like battle every time i went in. i was practically a mindless soldier out there to perform my coach's will ... afraid to do what i knew and loved. (i think i will fast foward all the drama h.s. ball entailed ...) in college, i was and still am completely content on the idea that there is more to life than ball, but ball is still apart of me and most likely always be.
in reference back to past conversations w/my friends ... discussing how we play on the court is how we are in life. a few years ago, i struggled with trying to be noticed as a player. it made me sad that most observers that watched my team only complemented the scorers. i wanted to be noticed too ... in any rate, i did the little things ... why, b/c i took it upon myself to do so for the success of the team.
i never considered myself as a GREAT player, but decent enough. similar to most things in my life ... right there in the middle. always been a shooter and rebounder (thank you volleyball) ... i love being "6th man" ... and more importantly to me - a team player.
a self-analysis of my game says that i posses great fundamentals, i am a set shooter, a rebounder with lots of hussle, rather weak ball handling skills, fairly good passer, slow to react on defense, and that i could be more offensively aggressive.
translation as to how i am in life: i am a rules person, i follow them ... and rarely deviate. i work hard, but at times dont react quickly enough to situations. i can be timid and hestitant ... perphaps because i dont have enough faith in my own skills. on the other hand, i come through for those who matter.
i forget sometimes how to play to win the game of life. basketball practice to life lessions: play to win. play with heart ... leave it all out on the court. never give up. always believe there's a chance. never let the size of the challenge intimidate you. hardwork proves miles of success farther than talent alone. the rules of the game are simple ... playing will always be challenging, but the success of winning is completely and utterly worth every bit of blood, sweat and tears.
my 5th grade coach deemed me having "charisma" (right, try wrapping your head around that meaning at 10). coach alan was my emotional mentor from 7th to 9th grades, where i learned how to meticulously goal set, achieve, and about composure. high school ball is where it got hugely intense: demanding perfection day-in, day-out ... 6 days a week for 5 months for 4 years. where each game felt more like battle every time i went in. i was practically a mindless soldier out there to perform my coach's will ... afraid to do what i knew and loved. (i think i will fast foward all the drama h.s. ball entailed ...) in college, i was and still am completely content on the idea that there is more to life than ball, but ball is still apart of me and most likely always be.
in reference back to past conversations w/my friends ... discussing how we play on the court is how we are in life. a few years ago, i struggled with trying to be noticed as a player. it made me sad that most observers that watched my team only complemented the scorers. i wanted to be noticed too ... in any rate, i did the little things ... why, b/c i took it upon myself to do so for the success of the team.
i never considered myself as a GREAT player, but decent enough. similar to most things in my life ... right there in the middle. always been a shooter and rebounder (thank you volleyball) ... i love being "6th man" ... and more importantly to me - a team player.
a self-analysis of my game says that i posses great fundamentals, i am a set shooter, a rebounder with lots of hussle, rather weak ball handling skills, fairly good passer, slow to react on defense, and that i could be more offensively aggressive.
translation as to how i am in life: i am a rules person, i follow them ... and rarely deviate. i work hard, but at times dont react quickly enough to situations. i can be timid and hestitant ... perphaps because i dont have enough faith in my own skills. on the other hand, i come through for those who matter.
i forget sometimes how to play to win the game of life. basketball practice to life lessions: play to win. play with heart ... leave it all out on the court. never give up. always believe there's a chance. never let the size of the challenge intimidate you. hardwork proves miles of success farther than talent alone. the rules of the game are simple ... playing will always be challenging, but the success of winning is completely and utterly worth every bit of blood, sweat and tears.
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