fearlessness is not the absence of fear. it's the mastery of fear. it's about getting up one more time than we fall down.
-Arianna Huffington
author of On Becoming Fearless ... in Love, Work, and Life
17 August 2007
13 August 2007
I hate Goodbyes ...
i witnessed one of the saddest things in my entire lifetime a few nights ago: a dear friend of mine's father passed away of multiple myeloma. i watched as close family members surrounded their beloved father had to slowly let go as his life tappered off. the hardest part was facing the reality of it all ... even as he was clearly faded, i still held on, hoping for some miracle to happen. but in the back of my mind, i knew the inevitable must occur ... it was his time.
one of life's greatest lessons is to appreciate and love everyone and thing in your life NOW. it's true, "you don't know what you've got until it's gone." why did it take this news to call my parents just out-of-the-blue? why does my friend's mom realize that more impromptu family gatherings happened while my friend's dad was fighting cancer than before when it was just holidays? maybe b/c we get so caught up in life that we forget to stop and realize the world around us. there's no hard and fast rule about when or how, but i believe the universe or God send you signs .... and i quote ferris buller, "life happens fast, if you don't stop and take a look around once in awhile, you could miss it."
i took the next past few days to offer support to the family. watching them plan a funeral is something i didn't plan on thinking about for at least 20-30 years from now. alas, i'm seeing preparations are much like a wedding: venue, minister, music, flowers, keeping family members occupied/satisfied, reception (sans the wake, black attire, casket, mourtuary, and recently deceased). it's so hard to think of a family loosing it's prime members. if it were me, i'd be a mess.
in any rate, i started wondering ... what would people remember about me? well not just specifically me ... but i ask you: how would you like to leave your mark in this world? i pretty much guarantee someone will say something about my cheezy smile. i hope my friends and family know how much they mean to me ... but also i hope i leave this world with as much grace, gentleness, and love as my friend's dad did.
soundtrack of this post was brought to you by:
one of life's greatest lessons is to appreciate and love everyone and thing in your life NOW. it's true, "you don't know what you've got until it's gone." why did it take this news to call my parents just out-of-the-blue? why does my friend's mom realize that more impromptu family gatherings happened while my friend's dad was fighting cancer than before when it was just holidays? maybe b/c we get so caught up in life that we forget to stop and realize the world around us. there's no hard and fast rule about when or how, but i believe the universe or God send you signs .... and i quote ferris buller, "life happens fast, if you don't stop and take a look around once in awhile, you could miss it."
i took the next past few days to offer support to the family. watching them plan a funeral is something i didn't plan on thinking about for at least 20-30 years from now. alas, i'm seeing preparations are much like a wedding: venue, minister, music, flowers, keeping family members occupied/satisfied, reception (sans the wake, black attire, casket, mourtuary, and recently deceased). it's so hard to think of a family loosing it's prime members. if it were me, i'd be a mess.
in any rate, i started wondering ... what would people remember about me? well not just specifically me ... but i ask you: how would you like to leave your mark in this world? i pretty much guarantee someone will say something about my cheezy smile. i hope my friends and family know how much they mean to me ... but also i hope i leave this world with as much grace, gentleness, and love as my friend's dad did.
soundtrack of this post was brought to you by:
- "dreaming with a broken heart" - john mayer
- "the power of goodbye" - madonna
- "i'll be missing you" - p diddy feat. faith evans
- "what a wonderful world" - isreal kamakawiwo'e
01 August 2007
dreams
in light of such vivid dreams in the past few days, needless to day i've been on an emotional and apparently subconscious roller-coaster in terms of my future career and the future of my heart.
dreams are visions of events that we'd most likely want to happen. i think they are visions of our subconscious thoughts surfacing and interacting with our conscious and those 2 trying to all have it make sense. im sure as most of you have noticed that your dreams make you extremely more confused than provide any sense of clarity.
dreams for our future are the ones we hold near to us ... this differs from a fantasy (e.g. fancy cars, expensive things, big houses, gorgeous significant other). our biggest dream for ourself is the one that is suppose to yield us the most happiness ... as if turning our dream into reality translates into fulfilling our purpose in life. (wow that was a lofty thought). as we mature and grow older, we realize these dreams dont always come true, in fact, it's most likely entirely different from what you imagined for yourself. i believe those who do make their dreams come true has most likely told reality to go F--- itself at one point or another... esp when it seemed as though life had turned its back on them ... resulting in a huge influx of determination and allowing them to surmount this seemingly trivial spat. i imagine those life-winners not even glancing back at those who said they couldnt.
yeah, that'll be me one day. just u watch: dreams do come true.
dreams are visions of events that we'd most likely want to happen. i think they are visions of our subconscious thoughts surfacing and interacting with our conscious and those 2 trying to all have it make sense. im sure as most of you have noticed that your dreams make you extremely more confused than provide any sense of clarity.
dreams for our future are the ones we hold near to us ... this differs from a fantasy (e.g. fancy cars, expensive things, big houses, gorgeous significant other). our biggest dream for ourself is the one that is suppose to yield us the most happiness ... as if turning our dream into reality translates into fulfilling our purpose in life. (wow that was a lofty thought). as we mature and grow older, we realize these dreams dont always come true, in fact, it's most likely entirely different from what you imagined for yourself. i believe those who do make their dreams come true has most likely told reality to go F--- itself at one point or another... esp when it seemed as though life had turned its back on them ... resulting in a huge influx of determination and allowing them to surmount this seemingly trivial spat. i imagine those life-winners not even glancing back at those who said they couldnt.
yeah, that'll be me one day. just u watch: dreams do come true.
life and basketball
i first picked up a basketball at the age of 6 b/c my oldest brother started in the 7th grade. i remember the very day i signed up to play CYO basketball in the 3rd grade: it was a friday. that night, my family and i did our usual dinner outting in chinatown ... i remember strolling through the finanical district as my parents trailed behind. i felt as mighty as michael jordan. i told myself i could jump as high as any skyscrapper, that nothing could stop me. that was the beginning ...
my 5th grade coach deemed me having "charisma" (right, try wrapping your head around that meaning at 10). coach alan was my emotional mentor from 7th to 9th grades, where i learned how to meticulously goal set, achieve, and about composure. high school ball is where it got hugely intense: demanding perfection day-in, day-out ... 6 days a week for 5 months for 4 years. where each game felt more like battle every time i went in. i was practically a mindless soldier out there to perform my coach's will ... afraid to do what i knew and loved. (i think i will fast foward all the drama h.s. ball entailed ...) in college, i was and still am completely content on the idea that there is more to life than ball, but ball is still apart of me and most likely always be.
in reference back to past conversations w/my friends ... discussing how we play on the court is how we are in life. a few years ago, i struggled with trying to be noticed as a player. it made me sad that most observers that watched my team only complemented the scorers. i wanted to be noticed too ... in any rate, i did the little things ... why, b/c i took it upon myself to do so for the success of the team.
i never considered myself as a GREAT player, but decent enough. similar to most things in my life ... right there in the middle. always been a shooter and rebounder (thank you volleyball) ... i love being "6th man" ... and more importantly to me - a team player.
a self-analysis of my game says that i posses great fundamentals, i am a set shooter, a rebounder with lots of hussle, rather weak ball handling skills, fairly good passer, slow to react on defense, and that i could be more offensively aggressive.
translation as to how i am in life: i am a rules person, i follow them ... and rarely deviate. i work hard, but at times dont react quickly enough to situations. i can be timid and hestitant ... perphaps because i dont have enough faith in my own skills. on the other hand, i come through for those who matter.
i forget sometimes how to play to win the game of life. basketball practice to life lessions: play to win. play with heart ... leave it all out on the court. never give up. always believe there's a chance. never let the size of the challenge intimidate you. hardwork proves miles of success farther than talent alone. the rules of the game are simple ... playing will always be challenging, but the success of winning is completely and utterly worth every bit of blood, sweat and tears.
my 5th grade coach deemed me having "charisma" (right, try wrapping your head around that meaning at 10). coach alan was my emotional mentor from 7th to 9th grades, where i learned how to meticulously goal set, achieve, and about composure. high school ball is where it got hugely intense: demanding perfection day-in, day-out ... 6 days a week for 5 months for 4 years. where each game felt more like battle every time i went in. i was practically a mindless soldier out there to perform my coach's will ... afraid to do what i knew and loved. (i think i will fast foward all the drama h.s. ball entailed ...) in college, i was and still am completely content on the idea that there is more to life than ball, but ball is still apart of me and most likely always be.
in reference back to past conversations w/my friends ... discussing how we play on the court is how we are in life. a few years ago, i struggled with trying to be noticed as a player. it made me sad that most observers that watched my team only complemented the scorers. i wanted to be noticed too ... in any rate, i did the little things ... why, b/c i took it upon myself to do so for the success of the team.
i never considered myself as a GREAT player, but decent enough. similar to most things in my life ... right there in the middle. always been a shooter and rebounder (thank you volleyball) ... i love being "6th man" ... and more importantly to me - a team player.
a self-analysis of my game says that i posses great fundamentals, i am a set shooter, a rebounder with lots of hussle, rather weak ball handling skills, fairly good passer, slow to react on defense, and that i could be more offensively aggressive.
translation as to how i am in life: i am a rules person, i follow them ... and rarely deviate. i work hard, but at times dont react quickly enough to situations. i can be timid and hestitant ... perphaps because i dont have enough faith in my own skills. on the other hand, i come through for those who matter.
i forget sometimes how to play to win the game of life. basketball practice to life lessions: play to win. play with heart ... leave it all out on the court. never give up. always believe there's a chance. never let the size of the challenge intimidate you. hardwork proves miles of success farther than talent alone. the rules of the game are simple ... playing will always be challenging, but the success of winning is completely and utterly worth every bit of blood, sweat and tears.
18 July 2007
Optimism Mantra
"if your tired of fighting battles with yourself, change your mind."
some days it's hard to dig down deep and believe in the faith that i possess in my heart. sometimes i forget that we are the product of our own lives. as the youngest born, at times i feel i am spoiled with the mindset that things in my life will automatically be provided just because i want them.
but at this juncture, i feel it's more that i am unsure which direction to take. how to be most efficient in my decisions ... thinking if i do A, then B should (in theory) occur. in the past few years, i thinking this way has both helped me from making irrational decisions (b/c i can be impatient) & hindered me from seizing opportunities.
there is always this grand compounded mixture of effort and luck that is needed to achieve the life that we ideally hold near and dear to us. belief would be the mental aspect - the motivator. achieving would take care of the physical part in which doing work is required.
mantras are good reminders as positive reinforcers. that makes me feel more settled. and sometimes, you just have to go for it and do it with all of your heart.
land-ho! good things ahead! :)
some days it's hard to dig down deep and believe in the faith that i possess in my heart. sometimes i forget that we are the product of our own lives. as the youngest born, at times i feel i am spoiled with the mindset that things in my life will automatically be provided just because i want them.
but at this juncture, i feel it's more that i am unsure which direction to take. how to be most efficient in my decisions ... thinking if i do A, then B should (in theory) occur. in the past few years, i thinking this way has both helped me from making irrational decisions (b/c i can be impatient) & hindered me from seizing opportunities.
there is always this grand compounded mixture of effort and luck that is needed to achieve the life that we ideally hold near and dear to us. belief would be the mental aspect - the motivator. achieving would take care of the physical part in which doing work is required.
mantras are good reminders as positive reinforcers. that makes me feel more settled. and sometimes, you just have to go for it and do it with all of your heart.
land-ho! good things ahead! :)
13 July 2007
Ship of Fools
I appologize for this delayed posting, I've been wanting to write about this for so long now. Funnily enough I had a hard time finding the proper title for this post. I wanted to name my boat. I finally found this "ship of fools" amist a song that I really hate hearing at work (thank you Yahoo! radio - coffeehouse station). I named it the "ship of fools" because it holds all of those thoughts and memories that keep you in this place where you yearn for something more ... as if it was in your grasp but reality fools you otherwise, casting you away toward another direction.
In my fictious boat, I experience life ... through high seas, weathering storms, witnessing rainbows, countless sunrises and sunsets that continually take my breath away.
In any rate, I have recently found that friends near and far seem to experience the same trials and tribulations or emotional distrought at the same time I am. Same emotions and expressed frustrations make me think/say, "we're in the same boat." However, I want to tell my comrades, "get off the damn boat! swim away! you want something better than to be here." Then it hits me, would I rather have the company - such as the saying "misery loves company" ? Or would I really want my friends to find their proverbial island paradise?
Of course we would all dream of the island paradise where happiness seemingly lies. But when, nay, what will happen that will get us to that island? Will we be rescued or will we muster the courage to swim into the sea of the unknown. Some earth-shattering event has to happen at some point right?
Alas: faith, hope & love friends ....
In my fictious boat, I experience life ... through high seas, weathering storms, witnessing rainbows, countless sunrises and sunsets that continually take my breath away.
In any rate, I have recently found that friends near and far seem to experience the same trials and tribulations or emotional distrought at the same time I am. Same emotions and expressed frustrations make me think/say, "we're in the same boat." However, I want to tell my comrades, "get off the damn boat! swim away! you want something better than to be here." Then it hits me, would I rather have the company - such as the saying "misery loves company" ? Or would I really want my friends to find their proverbial island paradise?
Of course we would all dream of the island paradise where happiness seemingly lies. But when, nay, what will happen that will get us to that island? Will we be rescued or will we muster the courage to swim into the sea of the unknown. Some earth-shattering event has to happen at some point right?
Alas: faith, hope & love friends ....
silent-g
the fifth note.
no, a consonant quietly existing.
who would have thought, this oddly placed letter would make such an impact. is it suppose to be there? how would it exist otherwise? how do you pronounce it?
it both forces you to open your eyes and see the world in a brand new fashion, and yet, refuses to come out on its own. partelle, what is this little silent-g afraid of?
funny how one little moment in time could have such an impact. how one little letter can affect someone so. how the mind struggles to find peace and solidarity to understand. its silence speaks volumes but does not lay to rest any trace of hope.
someone sees you silent-g: for who all that you are, what you represent, what you want to be.
no, a consonant quietly existing.
who would have thought, this oddly placed letter would make such an impact. is it suppose to be there? how would it exist otherwise? how do you pronounce it?
it both forces you to open your eyes and see the world in a brand new fashion, and yet, refuses to come out on its own. partelle, what is this little silent-g afraid of?
funny how one little moment in time could have such an impact. how one little letter can affect someone so. how the mind struggles to find peace and solidarity to understand. its silence speaks volumes but does not lay to rest any trace of hope.
someone sees you silent-g: for who all that you are, what you represent, what you want to be.
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