the pursuit of MY happiness

since the 6th grade i had this idea in my head that i wanted to become a P.T. i think it was because i was so heavily into sports that it simply seemed right even though i hadnt the faintest idea of what it was exactly. in college, i discovered the true, all-encompassing rehabilitative extent that physical therapy could provide for people. i wanted more than life to be apart of it. it felt like my calling. the down side to all of this: my grades. unforturnately, throughout the entire medical field, a competitive GPA is required for admission into graduate study. i do not fit that critium - hell, i am lucky to even call myself an UCLA graduate.

lately i've been struggling with a new career direction. i've recently decided that i will not be persuing physical therapy school any longer. after 3 years of applying, i no longer possess the passion fueling my aspirations to become a physical therapist. this pursuit toward financial happiness is reminiscent and almost analogus to a relationship ... like ideals toward love.

for example: love is simple. therefore, a relationship should not be so difficult. granted a fair amount of work has to be done upon a daily basis. but fundamentally, it shouldn't be hard. now applied toward P.T. school - it shouldn't be this hard ... and i perphaps should have had the grades in the first place.

furthermore, i firmly believe that learning about and how to love is a lifelong process. many hold a firm idea and even theorize about love (especially myself), but it's difficult to actually conceptualize and articulate what it is exactly. as far as i know so far, love just exists ... it just is. that leads me to believe that perphaps my love for physical therapy was just an idea; perphaps it was something that i just wanted in my life but did not stop to truly see if it fit with me and my life at this point. (think: round hole, square peg).

don't get me wrong, i truly believe that anyone can be AWESOME at anything if they choose to. i think i would do well as a physical therapist. but realistically, i do not know how well i would fair in P.T.-school itself. perphaps that is what all of the admissions committees have been seeing all along, and i was just hoping that i could prove them wrong.

the discontent in my life is written all over my face this morning. i hold all this passion inside, so entirely overwhelming that i want to cry.

i WANT to do something great~ ... utilize my talents~ ... make my mark in this world.

so, goodbye to an old dream ... no tears, no sadness. it is almost bittersweet.

i am looking forward to a new endeavor. this is my opportunity to make a real dream come true ... to find my true passion and excel.

i just wonder if i will find it or will it somehow find me?