"... I wish I could change / I wish I could change / I wish I could stop / Sayin the same old things / I wish I could be / Who u want me 2 be / I wish I could stop / Being the same old me / I wish I could lose / All of my blues ..." - Robin Thicke
ok, you have to trust me when i say, this song is really catchy when you hear it.
anyways .....
i wish i could get this idea out of my head. i wish i could let go of it. but at the same time, i kinda dont want to. i thought i saw something that could defy the odds .. something true - looking back on that moment, it was sort of cloudy. *shrug* c'est la vie.
i think ive made progress in my ability to let go of "potentials." however, being the optimist as heart ... i WANT to see things workout the way i had envisioned them. but, as i have learned over the years .... it really doesnt turn out that way. those who can actually make their vision a reality are the inspirational ones. it's like magic - defying reality.
i may not know the road very well, but i know where i will end up will be better than i could have ever imagined.
"... que sera sera, whatever we'll be - we'll be, the future's not our's to see...."
25 January 2008
24 January 2008
Driving Force
"...i want to be the car crash..." - snow patrol
okay, well living in LA ... that could very well happen.... but then it would get expensive with insurance crap and not that i want to potentially hurt someone either! well i want to be, just not LITERALLY ... it's a metaphor, damn it!
anyways, i am tired of having things happen to me ... tired of being the victim. i want to cause something (positive of course). i am a force to be reckoned with!
sorry, way too much caffeine consumption over the past 72-hours with 9.5 hours until my first midterm of the quarter. i feel a bit over my head right now as the past 2 weeks have been just NUTS. i forget the level of arrogance in ucla professors differs from smc. this one used the classic techniques of basically telling the class we were screwed. no! i refuse! (even though im not as prepared as i like ... still, that mental block can hinder so much...)
yesterday reinforced my need to do what is right for me and not for someone/thing else .... no settling here - i want more ... i deserve more because it's my life and no one else will demand it for me as much as i can.
my life priorities for the past 3 weeks: work/school/eat/read/online class/find a way to workout/team in training.
yipes ... what did i get myself into?
ps - http://www.active.com/donate/tntgla/tntglaMWong1
okay, well living in LA ... that could very well happen.... but then it would get expensive with insurance crap and not that i want to potentially hurt someone either! well i want to be, just not LITERALLY ... it's a metaphor, damn it!
anyways, i am tired of having things happen to me ... tired of being the victim. i want to cause something (positive of course). i am a force to be reckoned with!
sorry, way too much caffeine consumption over the past 72-hours with 9.5 hours until my first midterm of the quarter. i feel a bit over my head right now as the past 2 weeks have been just NUTS. i forget the level of arrogance in ucla professors differs from smc. this one used the classic techniques of basically telling the class we were screwed. no! i refuse! (even though im not as prepared as i like ... still, that mental block can hinder so much...)
yesterday reinforced my need to do what is right for me and not for someone/thing else .... no settling here - i want more ... i deserve more because it's my life and no one else will demand it for me as much as i can.
my life priorities for the past 3 weeks: work/school/eat/read/online class/find a way to workout/team in training.
yipes ... what did i get myself into?
ps - http://www.active.com/donate/tntgla/tntglaMWong1
13 January 2008
Sunday Morning
i remember sunday mornings at the house i grew up in ... i would awake to the sound of football blarring from downstairs, while my dad worked on the car in the garage. they used to be filled with lunches or dim sum with my family, grocery shopping with my mom, fighting my brothers for the washing machine or computer...
sunny sunday mornings are the best. the gentle sunlight peeking in, nudging you to ease you out of bed. sunday's are filled with freedom to relax, get things you've probably ignored throughout the week done, but simply to enjoy yourself.
this past week has been really difficult for me in terms of really feeling what it is to be truly by myself. i've always tried to escape it through continuous relationships, finding new circles, etc. i guess i haven't given myself time with ... myself. it's a bit scary sometimes. all i have is me ... it's so much easier to focus on someone else. somehow, the other person isn't quite as complicated as yourself.
i often fantasize about waking up on a sunny sunday morning with the future love of my life ... we'd get to sleep in a bit, eventually roll out of bed and make brunch while listening to cool-jazzy-urban-relaxing music. we'd eat, read the paper and drink our coffee. we'd laugh at the funnies section, plan our day ... whether it'd be picking up food for the week at the market or taking a stroll at the park or catching something at a museum ... i know they would be a lot of warmth and love ... holding hands ... being silly .... and occasional soft kisses. that would be perfection.
i have faith it's out there ... that sense of warmth, love and completeness. one day, sunday mornings won't be just for one.
sunny sunday mornings are the best. the gentle sunlight peeking in, nudging you to ease you out of bed. sunday's are filled with freedom to relax, get things you've probably ignored throughout the week done, but simply to enjoy yourself.
this past week has been really difficult for me in terms of really feeling what it is to be truly by myself. i've always tried to escape it through continuous relationships, finding new circles, etc. i guess i haven't given myself time with ... myself. it's a bit scary sometimes. all i have is me ... it's so much easier to focus on someone else. somehow, the other person isn't quite as complicated as yourself.
i often fantasize about waking up on a sunny sunday morning with the future love of my life ... we'd get to sleep in a bit, eventually roll out of bed and make brunch while listening to cool-jazzy-urban-relaxing music. we'd eat, read the paper and drink our coffee. we'd laugh at the funnies section, plan our day ... whether it'd be picking up food for the week at the market or taking a stroll at the park or catching something at a museum ... i know they would be a lot of warmth and love ... holding hands ... being silly .... and occasional soft kisses. that would be perfection.
i have faith it's out there ... that sense of warmth, love and completeness. one day, sunday mornings won't be just for one.
02 January 2008
footprints
my best friend brought that concept to my attention today. he said, "we dont really know how big of a footprint we've left behind us."
sometimes i wonder how big... how deep... or if it was in the right direction. do i really make a difference in the world? in someone else's life? i guess i always look back for validation. it's been such a struggle for me to confidently give a part of myself away and trust in another to return something equally significant back.
time to make my own footprints ... hope you can follow them
sometimes i wonder how big... how deep... or if it was in the right direction. do i really make a difference in the world? in someone else's life? i guess i always look back for validation. it's been such a struggle for me to confidently give a part of myself away and trust in another to return something equally significant back.
time to make my own footprints ... hope you can follow them
just embrace it
Happy new year!
as one of my favorite people said to me as we made our early morning walk in the city to the bart-station new year's morning, ' '07 was heaven but i'm gonna be great in '08.'
"just embrace it..." catch phrase of my weekend :P
it's a great mantra for sh** that just happens or temporarily justifying the unexplainable. just accept it and move forward. lately ive been thinking more emotionally efficient than normal. it feels great because im less inclined to get stuck in a moment and keeps me moving.
in any rate, another helpful and appliciable realsimple.com thought of the day:
We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. -- Joseph Campbell
like in one of my favorite movies in '07 "knocked up": "life doesnt care about your plans. it happens anyway." so theoretically, the plans that i could make for myself are always technically thrown out the window. but mind you, that doesnt mean stop making goals. the things you want in your life wont magically, i think, it's more along the lines of: your life wont happen the way you envision it. the easier it is for you to let go of your previous vision, i think the easier you can actually live your life =)
as one of my favorite people said to me as we made our early morning walk in the city to the bart-station new year's morning, ' '07 was heaven but i'm gonna be great in '08.'
"just embrace it..." catch phrase of my weekend :P
it's a great mantra for sh** that just happens or temporarily justifying the unexplainable. just accept it and move forward. lately ive been thinking more emotionally efficient than normal. it feels great because im less inclined to get stuck in a moment and keeps me moving.
in any rate, another helpful and appliciable realsimple.com thought of the day:
We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. -- Joseph Campbell
like in one of my favorite movies in '07 "knocked up": "life doesnt care about your plans. it happens anyway." so theoretically, the plans that i could make for myself are always technically thrown out the window. but mind you, that doesnt mean stop making goals. the things you want in your life wont magically, i think, it's more along the lines of: your life wont happen the way you envision it. the easier it is for you to let go of your previous vision, i think the easier you can actually live your life =)
28 December 2007
pants on fire!
liar liar ... pants on fire.
a lie is a lie is a lie is a lie.
if i had a nickle for everytime i've been caught in a lie, i could buy myself a nice bottle of wine. yipes. i remember hiding bowls under my bed for the ice cream i "secretly" ate ... only to see the disgusted look on my parents face and taunting laughs some childhood friends gave when they exposed the ugly truth.
most lies are generated as an excuse ... to justify doing something you know is wrong, but feel compelled to do so inspite of everything. something you are supposedly suppose to grow out of. right?
well, apparently not me. at this day in age, all the so-called self improvements that i've made feel nullified because i lied. lies hurt. and i truly didnt mean to hurt a close friend. i wanted satisfaction at any cost. but that price tag is just too high ...
all in all, ive been lying to myself. justifying way too many things for the way that i operate. for the most part, things are fine. but when u get to down to the core, this way isnt at all right and inappropriate for me.
i found my new year's resolution: to be honest - with myself. that way i can be truly earnest to others. whole-hearted in all my actions. i want this resolution to stick ... forever.
... i pray for forgiveness and peace.
a lie is a lie is a lie is a lie.
if i had a nickle for everytime i've been caught in a lie, i could buy myself a nice bottle of wine. yipes. i remember hiding bowls under my bed for the ice cream i "secretly" ate ... only to see the disgusted look on my parents face and taunting laughs some childhood friends gave when they exposed the ugly truth.
most lies are generated as an excuse ... to justify doing something you know is wrong, but feel compelled to do so inspite of everything. something you are supposedly suppose to grow out of. right?
well, apparently not me. at this day in age, all the so-called self improvements that i've made feel nullified because i lied. lies hurt. and i truly didnt mean to hurt a close friend. i wanted satisfaction at any cost. but that price tag is just too high ...
all in all, ive been lying to myself. justifying way too many things for the way that i operate. for the most part, things are fine. but when u get to down to the core, this way isnt at all right and inappropriate for me.
i found my new year's resolution: to be honest - with myself. that way i can be truly earnest to others. whole-hearted in all my actions. i want this resolution to stick ... forever.
... i pray for forgiveness and peace.
27 December 2007
naps are wonderful
yet another perfectly put thought of the day by realsimple.com (which i should start subscribing to too!!):
No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap. -- Carrie Snow
thank goodness for the treatment tables and private rooms at work =) 15 minutes to reset, feel refreshed ... add a little caffeine and you're good to go for the long-haul!
this is why i <3 naps *^_^*
No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap. -- Carrie Snow
thank goodness for the treatment tables and private rooms at work =) 15 minutes to reset, feel refreshed ... add a little caffeine and you're good to go for the long-haul!
this is why i <3 naps *^_^*
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